NBA fines Damian Lillard $40,000 for playing in Portland

NBA fines Damian Lillard $40,000 for playing in Portland

On Sunday, the NBA announced that Blazers guard Damian Lillard was fined $40,000 for his "insistence on being an all-world talent for the city of Portland when perfectly good markets like Los Angeles or New York are available.” Lillard’s defiance became most noticeable when he averaged 74 points and 13 three-pointers for the stupid Oregon team during their eight game bid for the postseason. “We’ve been over this with Damian,” Adam Silver commented.  “He was allowed ...

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Alex Caruso to Laker teammates: ‘Stop asking me to do your taxes’

Alex Caruso to Laker teammates: ‘Stop asking me to do your taxes’

Life for an NBA role player can be difficult.  Just ask balding Lakers guard Alex Caruso.  Reports are the third-year guard is being routinely asked by teammates to look over their taxes and it’s been effecting his on-court development.  Caruso has no professional accounting skills, but his teammates do not seem to understand that.  Take this exchange in a recent practice for example: “Hey, Kuzma!  If your man leaves you to double me, ...

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Doc Rivers asks NBA to include more sounds of fans booing so it feels like a Clipper home game

Doc Rivers asks NBA to include more audio of fans booing so it feels like a Clippers home game

Doc Rivers has asked the Orlando game-ops crew to pipe in audio of fans booing so as to better replicate the atmosphere of Clipper home games.   “My guys are at the free-throw line hearing the sound of loyal fans cheering, and they’re getting spooked and rattled,” Rivers explained.  “We deserve a similar environment to the Staples Center where about 70% of the crowd resents us.” The NBA has agreed with the Clippers’ coach ...

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Tom Thibodeau puts New York media through grueling 4-hour press conference

Tom Thibodeau puts New York media through grueling 4-hour press conference

New York media members saw this coming, but many still weren’t prepared for the exhausting four-hour press conference new head coach Tom Thibodeau recently put them through. Sweating, no longer able to hold up their recording device and several of them openly weeping, it became clear the media was wildly out of shape and lacked the stamina to cover a Thibodeau-coached team.  Mid-way through the press conference a dozen reporters suffered ...

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Source: NBA players’ families at greater risk of ‘urgent matter’ the longer the bubble goes on

Source: NBA players’ families at greater risk of ‘urgent matter’ the longer the bubble goes on

Several league officials in Orlando are confirming the strange spike in NBA players needing to leave the bubble to attend to “urgent family matters.” “It’s the craziest thing,” the source said.  “We are only weeks into the bubble and their family members are dropping like flies!” “My family was having urgent matters right and left when I was in that stuffy hotel room,” Zion Williamson said, now comfortably back in his New Orleans ...

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NBA to require short speech on race relations between free throws

NBA to require short speech on race relations between free throws

In the season restart in Orlando, the NBA has announced all players will be required to deliver a short speech on race relations between all free throws.  The decision was made by LeBron James via tweet and the league office agreed to his demands with a press release twenty-two seconds later. According to the press release, after a player attempts the first three throw an audio/video crew will scramble onto the court ...

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NBA referees remind public that momentary blindness is a COVID symptom

NBA referees remind public that momentary blindness is a COVID symptom

The NBA referees’ Twitter account has released a series of statements reminding sports fans that momentary blindness is “probably a COVID symptom.” “For example, don’t be surprised if we call a goaltend as the ball is still in the shooter’s hands,” one tweet informs.  “When we do stuff like that, please do not mock or ridicule the ref.  Because it probably means an official has contracted the deadly virus and has ...

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Supreme Court to take ‘Jordan vs. LeBron’ case

Supreme Court to take ‘Jordan vs. LeBron’ case

This week it was announced the U.S. Supreme Court has agreed to hear arguments for the Michael Jordan versus LeBron James debate. Dozens of laptops are being set up around the Great Hall with YouTube highlight reels playing of each of the NBA stars.  Memes showcasing their side-by-side career achievements have been blown-up on poster board so many of the elderly justices can properly see them. “So what, there’s a bull and ...

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NBA: Player entourages to be limited to only 16 people for quarantine games

NBA: Player entourages to be limited to only 16 people for quarantine games

As the NBA gets closer to re-launching its season, the players were given some devastating news.  Each player will be limited to only sixteen people to fill out their entourage, Adam Silver announced this week.    “I know this isn’t popular news, but we must keep safety paramount,” Silver commented.  “NBA players will only be allowed to have up to sixteen people in their entourage.  According to our math, that’s the bare ...

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Bullying up 350% since ‘Last Dance’ aired

Bullying up 350% since ‘Last Dance’ aired

You don’t become the most iconic winner in the history of sports by being Mr. Nice Guy.  So while The Last Dance dazzled us with glorious slow-motion moments of the 1998 Bulls, Americans were also left with a blueprint of Michael Jordan’s vicious brand of bullying. Now experts are telling us, since the documentary series aired, Americans bullying each other is up over 350%. “Your punk a** is trying to talk to ...

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