This week it was announced the U.S. Supreme Court has agreed to hear arguments for the Michael Jordan versus LeBron James debate. Dozens of laptops are being set up around the Great Hall with YouTube highlight reels playing of each of the NBA stars. Memes showcasing their side-by-side career achievements have been blown-up on poster board so many of the elderly justices can properly see them. “So what, there’s a bull and ...
Read MoreAs the NBA gets closer to re-launching its season, the players were given some devastating news. Each player will be limited to only sixteen people to fill out their entourage, Adam Silver announced this week. “I know this isn’t popular news, but we must keep safety paramount,” Silver commented. “NBA players will only be allowed to have up to sixteen people in their entourage. According to our math, that’s the bare ...
Read MoreYou don’t become the most iconic winner in the history of sports by being Mr. Nice Guy. So while The Last Dance dazzled us with glorious slow-motion moments of the 1998 Bulls, Americans were also left with a blueprint of Michael Jordan’s vicious brand of bullying. Now experts are telling us, since the documentary series aired, Americans bullying each other is up over 350%. “Your punk a** is trying to talk to ...
Read MoreDaryl Morey in critical condition after watching so much footage of Jordan taking long twos
Many basketball fans are enjoying the Chicago Bulls documentary, The Last Dance. But Rockets GM, Daryl Morey isn’t one of them. In fact, reports from Houston are that while watching another two episodes of the program, Morey collapsed. Doctors at Houston Methodist Hospital were stumped as to what exactly happened to Morey. But when the Rockets team physician arrived, he knew exactly what the problem was. “Don’t you understand?!” the Rockets doctor ...
Read MoreDisappointing news for some small-market teams was announced today as Adam Silver designated the Pistons, Cavaliers, and Kings as non-essential businesses. “It’s a safety thing,” Adam Silver said on a conference call. “We just can’t risk those teams gathering a large audience and potentially inducing sickness upon their community—or worse, a big market community.” Broadcast personnel from TNT, ESPN and NBATV have been warned not to go near a non-essential team’s arena. ...
Read MoreLos Angeles health officials to allow Lakers to resume practice activities, not Clippers
Los Angeles citizens are known for two things: their beloved NBA basketball and strictly following all of the laws. So when it was announced that local health officials would allow the Lakers to resume practice activities, it was a cause for celebration. “I can’t wait to pace the sidelines like the prowling lion that I am,” Lakers coach Frank Vogel said. Avery Bradley was also relieved by the news commenting, “I’ve ...
Read MoreSay what you will about Americans, but we love a good rehabilitation story. So after Utah Jazz coach Quin Snyder killed that family, our nation is thankful he eventually landed on his feet and got a good job as an NBA coach. The details of Snyder’s horrific crime have always been a bit foggy. For one thing, not only was he never officially charged with killing a family, his criminal record ...
Read MoreBREAKING: NBA fines Hornets owner for talking about players not on his team
Charlotte Hornets owner Michael Jordan has been fined $13 billion for spending nearly 10 hours talking about players not on his team. The statement from the league is as follows: “We understand Mr. Jordan was doing his little documentary about dancing goats or something, but he mentioned dozens of players not on the Hornets roster and we are choosing to make an example of the man.” While many sports fans are furious at ...
Read MoreA young Rachel Nichols once wrote paper defending Dennis Rodman’s mid-season drug-fueled Vegas rampage
If you think player empowerment is new, you’ve not met ESPN’s The Jump host, Rachel Nichols. Rachel is often criticized for being too pro-player and a recently discovered childhood school paper will likely add fuel to those flames. As Dennis Rodman’s infamous mid-season ‘vacation’ away from the Bulls was happening, a young Rachel Nichols was right on brand: Defending the player. In a school paper that was supposed to be about the ...
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