Laker fans tape delay

Laker Fans Suggest All Games Except NBA Finals Go Back to Tape Delay Because #Ringzzz

Thousands of Los Angeles Laker fans have signed a petition demanding the NBA send all games back onto tape delay because #Ringzzz. According to research provided by the group, 88% of NBA fans that care about the regular season are “suckas”.  Somehow even more damning, their study shows a whopping 93% of fan that enjoy the first round of the playoff tend to be what’s called “Ass clowns.” Because of this, Laker fans are making the case that NBA ...

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NBA raitings down because racism

NBA Blames Low Ratings on Racism

The NBA has a ratings problem.  This season ABC, ESPN and TNT are seeing a 22% drop and league experts know exactly why. “Easy answer.  Racism,” Jackie MacMullan explained.  “Unlike previous years, NBA fans are now flipping on the TV to watch some exciting basketball and many of them are now going, like, ‘What?!  What in the name of Coldplay is going on around here? Minority members?’ and then research shows they’re flipping to Dawson’s Creek reruns we ...

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attempt to care about Nov and Dec

Adam Silver’s Attempt to Make Players Care About Games in November/December Seen as Deeply Offensive

As more information is leaked about the NBA’s proposed in-season tournament, the players union is becoming increasingly frustrated. The in-season tournament is largely designed to shift the non-compelling months of November and December into a product worth the public’s attention. “Perhaps our league’s richest tradition is for our athletes to loaf around the winter months, NBA player president Michele Roberts said in protest.  “And we feel Adam Silver is trying to make them try hard. I can’t think of anything ...

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Greg Oden Dancing With the Stars

Greg Oden Gets Invitation from Dancing With the Stars, Considers it a Death Threat

Greg Oden and his lawyers are considering the invitation he received to participate on Dancing With the Stars a death threat.  “Given my client’s history of injury, it is common knowledge that Greg would likely not have survived a production meeting, let alone a dance rehearsal,” read a statement from his lawyer.  “Therefore, we believe this invitation to be a clear death threat and we have alerted the authorities,” the letter concluded. It appears the producers of Dancing with the Stars had no knowledge ...

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NBA players get tougher once retired

New Study Shows Moment NBA Player Retires They Become 72% Tougher, Grittier Than Active Players

A new study paid for by TNT’s Inside The NBA has discovered that when an NBA player retires, they immediately become 72% tougher and grittier than active players. Even more significant, when an NBA player combines retirement with a broadcasting gig, they become a whopping 130% tougher and grittier. This study seemed to bear out when the Inside team had special guest and recently retired Mo Williams on.  That night a fairly significant fight broke out between Joel Embiid and Karl-Anthony Towns and ...

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KD to Fire Kenny

Kevin Durant considering returning this season to get the firing of Kenny Atkinson out of the way

Kevin Durant is showing real initiative as a Brooklyn Net.  Reports are, the superstar forward is considering a brief return to the court this season to get the firing of coach Kenny Atkinson out of the way. “It’s thinking ahead,” Romona Shelburne said on The Jump.  “If you can clear the deck and send Kenny to a division one school or a career as a claims adjuster early, I think it shows the Nets have a considerate and respectful ...

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all flopping on all shots

Adam Silver Dreams of a Day Where NBA Players Flop on Every Possession

Perhaps the only thing more graceful than a world-class NBA athlete rising up and swishing a 25-foot three-pointer is watching that same shooter jerk his head back, flailing his arms and screaming the F-word at the officials. NBA fans can appreciate that Adam Silver knows this better than anyone and he is working hard to give fans what they want. When the Commissioner was asked about the huge increase of call-seeking behavior from shooters, Silver took a victory lap. “Oh yes, it’s ...

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piston patch

Detroit Pistons to Advertise the Detroit Pistons on Jersey Patch

In an effort to raise the team’s profile, the Detroit Pistons have secured a jersey patch agreement with themselves. “Today we’re proud to announce that, after some of the toughest negotiations you’ll ever see, we landed a jersey patch deal with a grea---uhh, pretty goo—with a local company,” President Ed Stefanski said in a press conference announcing the new partnership. While today’s unveiling ceremony was mostly positive, some NBA officials are worried about the horrible reputation of the Pistons brand ...

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knicks hello darkness my old friend

Knicks to Play “Hello Darkness, My Old Friend” During Player Introductions

The New York Knicks have decided to play “The Sounds of Silence” by Simon & Garfunkel during player introductions Director of Game Operations Miguel Vazquez announced earlier today.  Vazquez told assembled media he felt the familiar opening line hello darkness, my old friend, was more appropriate for Knicks games.   The ultra depressing song will be replacing a remixed version of Jay-Z and Alicia Keys’ “Empire State of Mind”. “It’s our job to match the music with the mood of the audience,” ...

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