NBA fines Thunder $65,000 for repeatedly trading their own 1st round picks back and forth to themselves

The NBA has fined the Oklahoma City Thunder $65,000 for repeatedly calling the league office and requesting to swap their own first-round picks back to themselves.  “Hey guys, it’s Sam Presti.  We’d like you to record a trade we just finalized,” The OKC general manager said on his first call to NBA headquarters.  “Yeah, we’ve made a real doozy of a deal.  Maybe my best one yet.  We’ve decided to part ...

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Daryl Morey revamps 76ers court with lava pits to discourage mid-range shots

After years of pleading with coaches and players, Daryl Morey’s teams still find a way to shoot those pesky, inefficient mid-range two-point attempts.  In his last year with Houston, his Rockets players jacked-up a whopping three attempts that were neither a three-pointer nor dunk.  Naturally, this caused the collapse of the franchise, and Morey was forced to move on. “The same mistake won’t be made in Philadelphia,” Morey explained as he ...

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Nuggets’ Toughness Questioned After Arena Renamed ‘Tampax Center’

Nuggets’ Toughness Questioned After Arena Renamed ‘Tampax Center’

Many throughout the NBA are taking notice of the Denver Nuggets' lack of toughness following the renaming of their arena to the Tampax Center. “I don’t like it.  Not one bit.  We’ve totally lost our home-court advantage,” Coach Mike Malone told the media.  “Now we can hear opposing teams yell things like, ‘Come on, guys, you want to lose in a place called the Tampax Center?’ and we’re getting everyone’s A-game.”  ...

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Steve Javie pops-in broadcast to remind viewers referees’ perfect streak of correct calls continues

Steve Javie pops-in broadcast to remind viewers referees’ perfect streak of correct calls continues

Fans were outraged again when former NBA referee, Steve Javie, interrupted the final moments of the Grizzlies/76ers game to remind the audience that the perfect streak of correct calls from referees continues. As usual, the ESPN crew summoned Javie to speak after a controversial call.  “Ok, take a look at Memphis guard, Dillon Brooks,” Javie commented over the slow-motion replay.  “After beginning to heave a three-pointer, he realizes he doesn’t know how ...

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A determined Marcus Smart studies film of wavy arm inflatable guys before big game

A determined Marcus Smart studies film of wavy arm inflatable guys before big game

Marcus Smart is not leaving anything to chance before the Celtics big game versus the Miami Heat tonight.  Per his request, team video coordinators have compiled ten hours of those big wavy arm inflatable guys to better prepare the shooting guard for battle. “I’m a tough guy.  Someone who’s willing to fall down on any given play.  You wrote down that I’m tough, right?” Smart asked the media.  “Coach Stevens wants ...

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NBA’s Chain Net Night leaves 14 players wounded, 3 dead

NBA’s Chain Net Night leaves 14 players wounded, 3 dead

Chain Net Night has been added to the regular season as the NBA continues to search for sponsorship opportunities.  The special night, which was sponsored by Smirnoff Ice, debuted with the Clippers and Nuggets, each trying to score the ball through a rusty chain net. “We wanted some more money---err, I mean, we wanted to bring a more playground feel to the game, and I think we accomplished that,” Adam Silver ...

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“The next time I hear someone worth less than 30 million say the NBA’s ratings are in trouble, I’m going to throw my tiara at them,” a fuming Cuban tweeted in a recent rant. His on-line rant was a result of Friday night’s Lakers/Rockets being the second least viewed program mid-way through the 3rd quarter. After it was announced that only TLC’s Sex Sent Me To The ER ranked lower, dozens of NBA fans flipped over to catch the end of the TLC show, sinking Lakers/Rockets to rock bottom. “Listen up, idiots. The NBA losing 45% viewership is actually a good thing!” he began. “The only people we lost are probably white supremacists! And anyone who questions anything about the NBA is also a white supremacist! My research shows ordinary people spend all day playing games, and they want to unwind by listening to controversial political platitudes from highschool educated athletes. And to the executives at State Farm, American Express and T-Mobil trying to get out of your sponsorship deals—YOU’RE JUST DOING THAT BECAUSE YOU’RE A BUNCH OF WHITE SUPREMACISTS!” An hour later, the NBA addressed Cuban’s controversial tweets by saying: “The NBA is a loving, welcoming, and tolerant institution. We want everyone to watch our games. However, anyone who is not watching our product and/or disagrees with our overtly political messaging, we think you’re just being a huge white supremacist.” Update: All US airports have struck a deal with the league to become the official broadcast partner of the NBA.

Mark Cuban: ‘NBA ratings down 45% is actually a good thing’

“The next time I hear someone worth less than 30 million say the NBA’s ratings are in trouble, I’m going to throw my tiara at them,” a fuming Cuban tweeted in a recent rant. His on-line rant was a result of Friday night’s Lakers/Rockets being the second least viewed program mid-way through the 3rd quarter.  After it was announced that only TLC’s Sex Sent Me To The ER ranked lower, dozens ...

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J.R. Smith pledged $1000 to charity for each touchdown he scores this season

A touching but bizarre gesture was made by Lakers guard J.R. Smith on Instagram over the weekend.  “I’ve decided that I will donate $1,000 for each touchdown I score this season.  And that’s a promise,” a shirtless Smith said while squinting a great deal into his phone.  “There’s a lot of jokers out there that say they’ll help, but they lack the smarts to make a real difference.  I know I ...

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Gannis getting tampered with

NBA asks Rob Pelinka to stop tampering with Giannis while he’s on free throw line

The Orlando restart has everyone in the NBA excited to return to their job.  But Lakers’ GM Rob Pelinka might be the most excited to resume his special talent:  Getting caught tampering. During the Milwaukee Bucks scrimmage against the Spurs, Pelinka became unable to control himself as Antetokounmpo made his first trip to the free-throw line.  “Hey, wow!  Crazy to bump into you like this, Giannis,” Pelinka said briskly skipping onto the ...

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NBA fines Damian Lillard $40,000 for playing in Portland

NBA fines Damian Lillard $40,000 for playing in Portland

On Sunday, the NBA announced that Blazers guard Damian Lillard was fined $40,000 for his "insistence on being an all-world talent for the city of Portland when perfectly good markets like Los Angeles or New York are available.” Lillard’s defiance became most noticeable when he averaged 74 points and 13 three-pointers for the stupid Oregon team during their eight game bid for the postseason. “We’ve been over this with Damian,” Adam Silver commented.  “He was allowed ...

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