Utah Sports Fans Thrilled To Watch 10-Hour Documentary On Jazz Failure

Utah Sports Fans Thrilled To Watch 10-Hour Documentary On Jazz Failure

The great people of Utah are used to being showered with blessings.  And as they tune in to ESPN’s 10-hour documentary on the Jazz losing the 1998 NBA Finals, they can add another blessing to the pile. 

“My friends and family have been so eager to bring back Jazz basketball when we heard there was a huge NBA show on Sunday I had just one question:  Are our beloved Utah Jazz going to be in it?” said long-time fan Jedidiah McKell asked.  “My buddy, Ara, told me they weren’t so much ‘in it’ as much as they were ‘under it.’  I was confused, but after some research on The Last Dance, I knew the state of Utah was in for a doozy.” 

At first, the McKells’ DVR black-listed the show because it contained the word dance but they eventually found it. 

“My kids informed me they didn’t want to watch ten hours commemorating the Jazz’s failures,” McKell explained, “But I told those little whippersnappers death is a part of life.  This is what Jazz basketball is all about!”   

Sadly, the McKell family had to turn off The Last Dance eighteen seconds into the show when Michael Jordan informed the viewers that Jerry Krause was a “filthy mother ******* son of a *****.” 

“Joe Ingles would never say that kids,” McKell said to his 14 children as he turned off the TV.  

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“The next time I hear someone worth less than 30 million say the NBA’s ratings are in trouble, I’m going to throw my tiara at them,” a fuming Cuban tweeted in a recent rant. His on-line rant was a result of Friday night’s Lakers/Rockets being the second least viewed program mid-way through the 3rd quarter. After it was announced that only TLC’s Sex Sent Me To The ER ranked lower, dozens of NBA fans flipped over to catch the end of the TLC show, sinking Lakers/Rockets to rock bottom. “Listen up, idiots. The NBA losing 45% viewership is actually a good thing!” he began. “The only people we lost are probably white supremacists! And anyone who questions anything about the NBA is also a white supremacist! My research shows ordinary people spend all day playing games, and they want to unwind by listening to controversial political platitudes from highschool educated athletes. And to the executives at State Farm, American Express and T-Mobil trying to get out of your sponsorship deals—YOU’RE JUST DOING THAT BECAUSE YOU’RE A BUNCH OF WHITE SUPREMACISTS!” An hour later, the NBA addressed Cuban’s controversial tweets by saying: “The NBA is a loving, welcoming, and tolerant institution. We want everyone to watch our games. However, anyone who is not watching our product and/or disagrees with our overtly political messaging, we think you’re just being a huge white supremacist.” Update: All US airports have struck a deal with the league to become the official broadcast partner of the NBA.

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