Bullying up 350% since ‘Last Dance’ aired

You don’t become the most iconic winner in the history of sports by being Mr. Nice Guy.  So while The Last Dance dazzled us with glorious slow-motion moments of the 1998 Bulls, Americans were also left with a blueprint of Michael Jordan’s vicious brand of bullying.

Now experts are telling us, since the documentary series aired, Americans bullying each other is up over 350%.

“Your punk a** is trying to talk to me?” a 9-year-old Florida girl replied when asked about the recent spike in bullying.  “You can ask me questions after you lose about 25 pounds, ya fat a**!”

Even Walmart greeters have lost their friendly touch.  “Oh, would you look at these sorry losers,” yelled 72 year-old Burt Dixon at some Sunday shoppers.   “Looks like a pack of Scott Burrells if you ask me.  Pathetic!” 

Experts are worried that Jordan’s unfriendly nature is now being celebrated like never before.  “Listen, Americans love winners,” a psychologist explained.  “M.J. was a winner.  We follow his lead.  Sometimes without even knowing it.  Got it dip s***?”