New York media members saw this coming, but many still weren’t prepared for the exhausting four-hour press conference new head coach Tom Thibodeau recently put them through.

Sweating, no longer able to hold up their recording device and several of them openly weeping, it became clear the media was wildly out of shape and lacked the stamina to cover a Thibodeau-coached team.  Mid-way through the press conference a dozen reporters suffered sprained thumbs from typing into their smartphones while several others were placed on IVs to replenish fluids.

At one point the Knicks trainer was called into the room to massage the rear ends of many media members.  

“This is rare, but their butts were actually getting too flattened by the chairs,” a team doctor informed.  “If they don’t stretch properly for these long sit-downs, they’re going to get bed sores and their butts will be warped and deformed by all-star break.  You don’t want to see how weird the Minnesota beat writers look in pants these days.” 

“OK, I think we have all we need, for the next year or so,” a weakened Ian Begley whispered as he attempted to gather his things and leave 2.5 hours into the press conference.

“SIT YOUR ASS DOWN, IAN!” Thibs yelled before blowing a whistle and forcing him to run 10 sets of suicides in the back of the room.

“Alright, that was a solid start.  I want everyone to rest up and back here tonight for the rest of your questions,” Thibs said concluding the press conference.