Supreme Court to take ‘Jordan vs. LeBron’ case

Supreme Court to take ‘Jordan vs. LeBron’ case

This week it was announced the U.S. Supreme Court has agreed to hear arguments for the Michael Jordan versus LeBron James debate. Dozens of laptops are being set up around the Great Hall with YouTube highlight reels playing of each of the NBA stars.  Memes showcasing their side-by-side career achievements have been blown-up on poster board so many of the elderly justices can properly see them. “So what, there’s a bull and ...

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Bullying up 350% since ‘Last Dance’ aired

Bullying up 350% since ‘Last Dance’ aired

You don’t become the most iconic winner in the history of sports by being Mr. Nice Guy.  So while The Last Dance dazzled us with glorious slow-motion moments of the 1998 Bulls, Americans were also left with a blueprint of Michael Jordan’s vicious brand of bullying. Now experts are telling us, since the documentary series aired, Americans bullying each other is up over 350%. “Your punk a** is trying to talk to ...

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Daryl Morey in critical condition after watching so much footage of Jordan taking long twos

Daryl Morey in critical condition after watching so much footage of Jordan taking long twos

Many basketball fans are enjoying the Chicago Bulls documentary, The Last Dance.  But Rockets GM, Daryl Morey isn’t one of them.  In fact, reports from Houston are that while watching another two episodes of the program, Morey collapsed.  Doctors at Houston Methodist Hospital were stumped as to what exactly happened to Morey.  But when the Rockets team physician arrived, he knew exactly what the problem was. “Don’t you understand?!” the Rockets doctor ...

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BREAKING: NBA fines Hornets owner for talking about players not on his team

BREAKING: NBA fines Hornets owner for talking about players not on his team

Charlotte Hornets owner Michael Jordan has been fined $13 billion for spending nearly 10 hours talking about players not on his team. The statement from the league is as follows:  “We understand Mr. Jordan was doing his little documentary about dancing goats or something, but he mentioned dozens of players not on the Hornets roster and we are choosing to make an example of the man.” While many sports fans are furious at ...

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Utah Sports Fans Thrilled To Watch 10-Hour Documentary On Jazz Failure

Utah Sports Fans Thrilled To Watch 10-Hour Documentary On Jazz Failure

The great people of Utah are used to being showered with blessings.  And as they tune in to ESPN’s 10-hour documentary on the Jazz losing the 1998 NBA Finals, they can add another blessing to the pile.  “My friends and family have been so eager to bring back Jazz basketball when we heard there was a huge NBA show on Sunday I had just one question:  Are our beloved Utah Jazz ...

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Yao winning at buzzer

Report: China Has Been Altering All NBA Games So Yao Ming Drills Game-Winning 3-Pointer

It has been learned that China has been doctoring the end of all close NBA games to feature Yao Ming drilling game-winning three-pointers.  The discovery was made when a Chinese security glitch leaked an on-line highlight from a Pistons/Suns game.  In the actual game, Detroit won 113 – 111.  However, the altered footage shows Yao Ming gathering a loose ball, rising up from thirty feet and swishing a three-pointer at the buzzer.  Once the footage began ...

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david Sterns last words

NBA to Honor David Stern’s Final Wishes

According to loved ones by David Stern’s bedside, the former NBA Commissioner's final request was, “Whatever happens, never let the Lakers get Chris Paul.” “I said, ‘of course, David,’” Adam Silver recounted. “Even if the Thunder put together a totally appropriate package which brings them both young prospects and draft picks, we’ll squash it.” “One more thing,” Stern whispered, “Make sure to enforce that dress code.  And grow your damn hair out ...

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Laker fans tape delay

Laker Fans Suggest All Games Except NBA Finals Go Back to Tape Delay Because #Ringzzz

Thousands of Los Angeles Laker fans have signed a petition demanding the NBA send all games back onto tape delay because #Ringzzz. According to research provided by the group, 88% of NBA fans that care about the regular season are “suckas”.  Somehow even more damning, their study shows a whopping 93% of fan that enjoy the first round of the playoff tend to be what’s called “Ass clowns.” Because of this, Laker fans are making the case that NBA ...

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NBA players get tougher once retired

New Study Shows Moment NBA Player Retires They Become 72% Tougher, Grittier Than Active Players

A new study paid for by TNT’s Inside The NBA has discovered that when an NBA player retires, they immediately become 72% tougher and grittier than active players. Even more significant, when an NBA player combines retirement with a broadcasting gig, they become a whopping 130% tougher and grittier. This study seemed to bear out when the Inside team had special guest and recently retired Mo Williams on.  That night a fairly significant fight broke out between Joel Embiid and Karl-Anthony Towns and ...

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