This week it was announced the U.S. Supreme Court has agreed to hear arguments for the Michael Jordan versus LeBron James debate.
Dozens of laptops are being set up around the Great Hall with YouTube highlight reels playing of each of the NBA stars. Memes showcasing their side-by-side career achievements have been blown-up on poster board so many of the elderly justices can properly see them.
“So what, there’s a bull and a calf, but we’re supposed to choose the goat?” Ruth Bader Ginsburg asked. “Fine, bring the animals in. But whatever we do, we’ll need to do it fast.”
Channing Frye will present the oral arguments in favor of LeBron James, and Stephen A. Smith will represent Michael Jordan.
“Jordan may have had the great game with the flu, but LeBron once played really well without a headband,” an excited Frye explained to the judges. “Sure, Jordan brought Chicago all those titles, but that was his only job! LeBron was player, coach, GM, and handshake choreographer!”
Smith, in his classic style, began making his arguments very quietly. Almost in an inaudible whisper. And just as many of the justices were falling asleep, he would abruptly scream, “OH, HELL NAH!” at the top of his lungs. After inducing a series of heart attacks upon the judges, he was asked to stop speaking this way.