It was quite the embarrassing performance Saturday night when Jimmy Butler Failed to record a triple-double. Despite winning the game and getting 32 points, he was unable to achieve what really matters— having a cool-looking stat line. “I want to apologize to my teammates, ownership, the fans, and even God himself,” Butler said hanging his head in obvious shame. “Tomorrow I will comb through the game tape and determine which teammates ...
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For the seventh game in a row, Steve Kerr was forced to use all of his timeouts in the first quarter to remind all the Warriors to be hall of famers. “These players are deliberately disobeying me,” Kerr said after another loss. “Tonight’s game plan was very simple. Everyone be a generational talent, rebound, and everyone be hall of famers. I was screaming that all night. Maybe it’s my fault. Maybe ...
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In a game against the Sacramento Kings, Warriors forward Draymond Green made a shot. While a made field goal is technically a non-reviewable play, the officials, the Kings, and even Steve Kerr insisted on taking a peek at the monitor to confirm. The Chase Center crowd quietly stared at the massive screen as slow-motion footage played of the basketball seemingly leave Green’s hands and mysteriously maneuver into the inside of the ...
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The New Orleans Pelicans have been caught manipulated their ‘City Edition’ jerseys to look like the New Orleans Saints football team. “It was a shameless ploy designed to interrupt Louisiana’s long-held tradition of not watching NBA basketball,” said former Saints QB Bobby Herbert. “I accidentally watched the whole first quarter! Everyone was offsides and their running game was pure crap.” We’ll get to the fans’ reactions, but first, let’s review how the ...
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NBA television analyst, Hubie Brown has always had a heart for helping young men on the court. Now, the long-time coach has lent his experience to the dating world with the new Hubie Brown Dating app. By sensing small hormonal changes in the air, the free version of the app will yell, “There you go!” each time the man has done something that pleases his date. Included in the $3.99 premium version, ...
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The city of Philadelphia has formally prohibited 76er shooting guard Danny Green from practicing on any public hoops. The announcement was made shortly after the NBA player arrived at Markward Park on Saturday. Green shot several wild attempts blowing massive holes straight through four backboards and one of his shots badly injured a citizen at a neighboring park. “I’ve never seen anything like it,” said onlooker Joel Burton. “At first ...
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On Monday, the Indiana Pacers coaching staff made their annual stroll through the corporate offices to see the new crop of talent. Much to Pacers fans' irritation, the tradition is the creative payroll savings strategy which forces office workers to also take up a roster spot. Pushing office furniture aside, coach Nate Bjorkgren blew his whistle, prompting the employees to sprint across the building. “Let’s go, ladies! Especially you ladies from ...
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After NBA players celebrated that the league would no longer test for weed, an annoyed Adam Silver was forced to remind them that the league had ended weed testing over three seasons ago. “Awe, hell yeah! This year gonna be LIT!!!” Iman Shumpert tweeted. J.R. Smith called his agent and yelled, “Looks like I’ll be going green next season!” and then laughed for 18 minutes before learning he had called an Arby’s. Finally, ...
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On the Smoking Drugs Is Cool podcast with Stephen Jackson and Matt Barnes, Paul George told the hosts it was Doc Rivers who told him to hit the side of the backboard with his three-point attempt. “So it was game seven, right? And in the huddle, I asked my teammates if they remembered that Gatorade commercial where I hit the game-winner,” Paul George told the hosts. “I said, I spent all ...
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Some exciting news for Cavaliers players was announced this week as owner Dan Gilbert decided to pay all players in old-timey medieval swards again. Gilbert, who has not interacted with his employees since being contractually obligated to give three high-fives during a 2016 championship ceremony, sat quietly above the practice facility to watch the players' reactions to the news. “Look at them. They’re delirious with joy,” Gilbert said, watching like a gargoyle. ...
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