After years of pleading with coaches and players, Daryl Morey’s teams still find a way to shoot those pesky, inefficient mid-range two-point attempts. In his last year with Houston, his Rockets players jacked-up a whopping three attempts that were neither a three-pointer nor dunk. Naturally, this caused the collapse of the franchise, and Morey was forced to move on. “The same mistake won’t be made in Philadelphia,” Morey explained as he ...
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This week ESPN dismissed roughly 500 employees and has rerouted their salaries to LeBron James. While it was disappointing news for long-time ESPN staffers, the move was inevitable once LeBron discovered there was some money circulating within the sports world that wasn’t his. “This ain’t right. What happened today was awful,” LeBron said in an Instagram video. “The fact that I’m just now getting my due? Where was my cut for ...
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The dozens of nerdy middle-aged men who hastily log into the Jr. NBA website in an attempt to impress their step kids will soon see an updated set of drills for young basketball players. After an in-depth review of what it takes to become a professional star in the modern era, the website felt a major overhaul was needed. “Videos drills on dribbling, passing, shooting--that all had to go,” Adam Silver ...
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When NBA officials learned that 19-year-old Kevin Peterson was their last remaining television viewer, all the players quickly dove onto the court with paint scrapers and frantically removed the words “Black Lives Matters”. In its place, “Kevin Peterson” was painted on in an effort to honor their last audience member. "I've always said, my job is to shut up and dribble,” LeBron told the press once he learned his next contract ...
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Many throughout the NBA are taking notice of the Denver Nuggets' lack of toughness following the renaming of their arena to the Tampax Center. “I don’t like it. Not one bit. We’ve totally lost our home-court advantage,” Coach Mike Malone told the media. “Now we can hear opposing teams yell things like, ‘Come on, guys, you want to lose in a place called the Tampax Center?’ and we’re getting everyone’s A-game.” ...
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Fans were outraged again when former NBA referee, Steve Javie, interrupted the final moments of the Grizzlies/76ers game to remind the audience that the perfect streak of correct calls from referees continues. As usual, the ESPN crew summoned Javie to speak after a controversial call. “Ok, take a look at Memphis guard, Dillon Brooks,” Javie commented over the slow-motion replay. “After beginning to heave a three-pointer, he realizes he doesn’t know how ...
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Marcus Smart is not leaving anything to chance before the Celtics big game versus the Miami Heat tonight. Per his request, team video coordinators have compiled ten hours of those big wavy arm inflatable guys to better prepare the shooting guard for battle. “I’m a tough guy. Someone who’s willing to fall down on any given play. You wrote down that I’m tough, right?” Smart asked the media. “Coach Stevens wants ...
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Chain Net Night has been added to the regular season as the NBA continues to search for sponsorship opportunities. The special night, which was sponsored by Smirnoff Ice, debuted with the Clippers and Nuggets, each trying to score the ball through a rusty chain net. “We wanted some more money---err, I mean, we wanted to bring a more playground feel to the game, and I think we accomplished that,” Adam Silver ...
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“The next time I hear someone worth less than 30 million say the NBA’s ratings are in trouble, I’m going to throw my tiara at them,” a fuming Cuban tweeted in a recent rant. His on-line rant was a result of Friday night’s Lakers/Rockets being the second least viewed program mid-way through the 3rd quarter. After it was announced that only TLC’s Sex Sent Me To The ER ranked lower, dozens ...
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A touching but bizarre gesture was made by Lakers guard J.R. Smith on Instagram over the weekend. “I’ve decided that I will donate $1,000 for each touchdown I score this season. And that’s a promise,” a shirtless Smith said while squinting a great deal into his phone. “There’s a lot of jokers out there that say they’ll help, but they lack the smarts to make a real difference. I know I ...
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