Many throughout the NBA are taking notice of the Denver Nuggets’ lack of toughness following the renaming of their arena to the Tampax Center.
“I don’t like it. Not one bit. We’ve totally lost our home-court advantage,” Coach Mike Malone told the media. “Now we can hear opposing teams yell things like, ‘Come on, guys, you want to lose in a place called the Tampax Center?’ and we’re getting everyone’s A-game.” Malone also explained that his players are embarrassed and emasculated entering the building. “Ironically, since becoming the Tampax center, we’ve lost our flow.”
To help compensate, all Nuggets players have been encouraged to purchase massive pick-up trucks, AR-15s, and copies of Die Hard on Blu-ray.
“I just want things to go back to normal,” said coach Malone, who began to get emotional. “Damn it! You see what this place does to ya?”
Game attendance has also plummeted after fans learned of how the t-shirt guns were modified to reflex the arena’s tampon theme. “Getting knocked out with twelve-pound souvenir tampon from the Tampax Cannon Blaster now ranks #1 as to why men refuse to attend Nuggets games,” an arena worker reported.
Nuggets ownership seems to be regretting the ten-year naming rights agreement with the tampon company.
“We miss working with the Pepsi guys, to be honest. The ladies who run Tampax Inc. can often be hysterical,” said owner Stan Kroenke. “And every few weeks they get in these awful moods and threaten to blow up the building.”