It was quite the embarrassing performance Saturday night when Jimmy Butler Failed to record a triple-double. Despite winning the game and getting 32 points, he was unable to achieve what really matters— having a cool-looking stat line.
“I want to apologize to my teammates, ownership, the fans, and even God himself,” Butler said hanging his head in obvious shame. “Tomorrow I will comb through the game tape and determine which teammates let me down. Please don’t tell Wade what I did, you guys.”
Long after the arena cleared out, Butler stayed on the empty court and practiced tipping rebounds around three or four times before securing them.
“There you go!” an assistant coach was heard encouraging the star. “Why get one rebound when you can get three?”
Things got even worse for the Heat shooting guard after Heat ownership discovered only seven of the eleven Heat players recorded a triple-double during the game.
“Unacceptable. Pleasing our fans is simple. All they ask for are new fluorescent jerseys every other night and for everyone to get triple-doubles,” Heat owner, Micky Arison said.
Update: Unable to handle the shame, the NBA has doctored the footage and box scores of the game to reflect a stat line the kids can respect. (61 points, 32 assists, and 21 rebounds)