Daryl Morey in critical condition after watching so much footage of Jordan taking long twos
Many basketball fans are enjoying the Chicago Bulls documentary, The Last Dance. But Rockets GM, Daryl Morey isn’t one of them. In fact, reports from Houston are that while watching another two episodes of the program, Morey collapsed.
Doctors at Houston Methodist Hospital were stumped as to what exactly happened to Morey. But when the Rockets team physician arrived, he knew exactly what the problem was.
“Don’t you understand?!” the Rockets doctor screamed to the puzzled medical team. “Don’t you realize that documentary is chalked full of inefficient, long two-point jump shots? Look at him; his brain is so discombobulated he may never be the same! Did ya’ll learn nothing in medical school?”
Just then Daryl Morey’s eyes flickered and he whispered, “He…he should just take five steps back and get one more point.”
“Oh my word. He’s going into shock!” the Rockets doctor screamed. “Get me an ipad loaded up with six hours of James Harden shooting off-balance threes! STAT!”
After using the defibrillators for over an hour, the GM was finally able to watch a montage of James Harden pump-faking and leaning forward to draw three-shot fouls. As expected, Morey began to stabilize.
“Finally. Some smart basketball,” a weakened GM whispered.
After Daryl’s condition improved, several doctors asked him why he suffered such an extreme reaction to a style of play that netted the Bulls six championships.
“Because if Jordan had only shot threes and flopped for free throws, he would have won twelve rings,” he explained. “Com’on, you guys. Haven’t you ever played with Excel spreadsheets before?”