ESPN employee leaving building

ESPN fires 500 employees, donates their salaries to LeBron James

This week ESPN dismissed roughly 500 employees and has rerouted their salaries to LeBron James.  While it was disappointing news for long-time ESPN staffers, the move was inevitable once LeBron discovered there was some money circulating within the sports world that wasn’t his.

“This ain’t right.  What happened today was awful,” LeBron said in an Instagram video.  “The fact that I’m just now getting my due?  Where was my cut for the last 17 years????  Don’t they understand I’m different? I’M BUILT DIFFERENT!”

ESPN also released a short statement after the layoffs:

“This is a business and we needed to keep the talent happy.  Our former employees don’t know it yet, but this is how they wanted to go.  At least that’s was LeBron tells us.  And if we know one thing about sports journalists, it’s that they are equipped to do darn-near anything.  Architecture, software engineering, taxidermy—anything.” 

Most of the ex-ESPN employees were bitter at LeBron momentarily, but have since accepted jobs as grape feeders and fan wavers in James’ kingdom. 

Update: LeBron James has now asked ESPN to fire one more person and give their money to Kentavious Caldwell-Pope

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