Cavaliers try to pay player salaries in swords

Some exciting news for Cavaliers players was announced this week as owner Dan Gilbert decided to pay all players in old-timey medieval swards again. 

Gilbert, who has not interacted with his employees since being contractually obligated to give three high-fives during a 2016 championship ceremony, sat quietly above the practice facility to watch the players’ reactions to the news.

“Look at them.  They’re delirious with joy,” Gilbert said, watching like a gargoyle.  “They’re literally jumping around and throwing things.  I haven’t seen the guys this happy since I began charging them for parking.”

“Twenty-nine other teams are giving the same old, boring cash this year.  My guys?  No way,” Gilbert told the press.  “These swords are actually replicas of the ones used in Walt Disney’s 1993 The Three Musketeers, one can assume.  So, I’ll ask you, media members, would you rather have an NBA max salary or something priceless?” 

Despite the announcement, a heated exchange between Gilbert and the players finally erupted following the press conference. 

“What is wrong with you?!  We don’t want freaking swords!” screamed Collin Sexton.

“I know this isn’t ideal,” Gilbert said, trying to ease tensions.  “But I just can’t give you guns.  I’ve looked into it.”

At that time, most of the Cavs roster charged the owner with their swords. 

You May Also Like

Draymond green makes shot

Draymond Green Makes Shot

Pelicans’ alternate jerseys trick New Orleans sports fans into watching NBA game

New Hubie Brown dating app will loudly yell, “There you go!” when you do something good

City of Philadelphia now forbids Danny Green from practicing on public hoops

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *