BREAKING: NBA fines Hornets owner for talking about players not on his team

Charlotte Hornets owner Michael Jordan has been fined $13 billion for spending nearly 10 hours talking about players not on his team.

The statement from the league is as follows: 

“We understand Mr. Jordan was doing his little documentary about dancing goats or something, but he mentioned dozens of players not on the Hornets roster and we are choosing to make an example of the man.”

While many sports fans are furious at the NBA for penalizing Jordan, the Los Angeles Laker organization and its fans are thrilled to see the league office finally bludgeon another team for tampering.

“Damn straight!” a bitter Magic Johnson yelled upon hearing about the fine.  “Only $13 billion?  I say, roast his ass,” Johnson said.  “I once read my nephew a Winnie the Pooh book and the next morning I was sent a $50,000 fine and a statement from the league telling me I was to never speak about Pooh Richardson again.”

Update:  The NBA has admitted to willfully misinterpreting the tempering rule.  Team officials are not prohibited from talking about retired players.  “With the season suspended, we just really need that $13 billion,” a remorseful Adam Silver explained.  “But we’re never giving Magic back any of his fine money.”