david Sterns last words

NBA to Honor David Stern’s Final Wishes

According to loved ones by David Stern’s bedside, the former NBA Commissioner’s final request was, “Whatever happens, never let the Lakers get Chris Paul.”

“I said, ‘of course, David,’” Adam Silver recounted. “Even if the Thunder put together a totally appropriate package which brings them both young prospects and draft picks, we’ll squash it.”

“One more thing,” Stern whispered, “Make sure to enforce that dress code.  And grow your damn hair out Adam, you look like a schmuck.  And awe, what the heck, give the great northwest their team back!”

“Yes, sir.  That’s a great idea.  Seattle has waited long enough,” Silver softly reassured.

“Seattle?  No,” Stern snapped.  “Vancouver!”

The next moments were both touching and frustrating as Silver frantically filled up a legal pad with all Stern’s final wishes.  At the end of the negotiations, Silver promised WNBA ratings would topple the NFL’s and the Atlanta Hawks would relocate to Queens. 

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