NBA tie game twinsies

NBA to Cater to Millennials by Changing Phrase ‘Tie Game’ to ‘Twinsies!’

The NBA is leaving no stone unturned in its efforts to stop its ratings problem. Critics have implored the NBA to turn the ratings tide by addressing tough issues such as “load management” and the all-stars scheming to consolidate their talent on superteams. But the NBA has decided instead to double-down on their desire to win over the nation’s millennials by updating the phrase “tie game” to the more hip “twinsies!” During last week’s Suns / Knicks game, Mike Breen used the new verbiage, although it was bit shaky.  “And with under two minutes ...

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load management change floor

Guys Who Change Dallas’ NHL Floor to NBA Court Out Due to Load Management

DALLAS, TX-- The guys who change the NHL ice to the NBA court were held out of Monday’s floor shift due to load management. Herb Clifton, American Airlines Center’s operations manager, alerted the Mavericks that because it’s a long season he believed it was wise to rest his key floor changers. “These decisions are never popular,” said Herb.  “But ultimately I think the fans would much rather attend a playoff game with a fully assembled court than a random regular season game with an assembled court.” The night wasn’t a total loss.  A ...

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david Sterns last words

NBA to Honor David Stern’s Final Wishes

According to loved ones by David Stern’s bedside, the former NBA Commissioner's final request was, “Whatever happens, never let the Lakers get Chris Paul.” “I said, ‘of course, David,’” Adam Silver recounted. “Even if the Thunder put together a totally appropriate package which brings them both young prospects and draft picks, we’ll squash it.” “One more thing,” Stern whispered, “Make sure to enforce that dress code.  And grow your damn hair out Adam, you look like a schmuck.  And awe, what the ...

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Bob Meyers clears KD for Full Contact

Bob Myers Clears Kevin Durant for Full Contact

Earlier this week, Warriors General Manager Bob Myers called up the Brooklyn Nets and gave Kevin Durant the green light for full 5-on-5 workouts. Meyer’s call was soon on speakerphone as he gave the news to the Brooklyn Nets training staff.  “Yep.  I think we’re all set.  Roll Kevin out there. Today,” he said sternly. Both the Nets and Durant’s doctors were determined to have the injured forward out for the entire season, but that was until Meyers began his world famous smooth talking.  The same smooth talking that let the Warriors ...

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