As the NBA gets closer to re-launching its season, the players were given some devastating news. Each player will be limited to only sixteen people to fill out their entourage, Adam Silver announced this week. “I know this isn’t popular news, but we must keep safety paramount,” Silver commented. “NBA players will only be allowed to have up to sixteen people in their entourage. According to our math, that’s the bare ...
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You don’t become the most iconic winner in the history of sports by being Mr. Nice Guy. So while The Last Dance dazzled us with glorious slow-motion moments of the 1998 Bulls, Americans were also left with a blueprint of Michael Jordan’s vicious brand of bullying. Now experts are telling us, since the documentary series aired, Americans bullying each other is up over 350%. “Your punk a** is trying to talk to ...
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Many basketball fans are enjoying the Chicago Bulls documentary, The Last Dance. But Rockets GM, Daryl Morey isn’t one of them. In fact, reports from Houston are that while watching another two episodes of the program, Morey collapsed. Doctors at Houston Methodist Hospital were stumped as to what exactly happened to Morey. But when the Rockets team physician arrived, he knew exactly what the problem was. “Don’t you understand?!” the Rockets doctor ...
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Disappointing news for some small-market teams was announced today as Adam Silver designated the Pistons, Cavaliers, and Kings as non-essential businesses. “It’s a safety thing,” Adam Silver said on a conference call. “We just can’t risk those teams gathering a large audience and potentially inducing sickness upon their community—or worse, a big market community.” Broadcast personnel from TNT, ESPN and NBATV have been warned not to go near a non-essential team’s arena. ...
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Los Angeles citizens are known for two things: their beloved NBA basketball and strictly following all of the laws. So when it was announced that local health officials would allow the Lakers to resume practice activities, it was a cause for celebration. “I can’t wait to pace the sidelines like the prowling lion that I am,” Lakers coach Frank Vogel said. Avery Bradley was also relieved by the news commenting, “I’ve ...
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Say what you will about Americans, but we love a good rehabilitation story. So after Utah Jazz coach Quin Snyder killed that family, our nation is thankful he eventually landed on his feet and got a good job as an NBA coach. The details of Snyder’s horrific crime have always been a bit foggy. For one thing, not only was he never officially charged with killing a family, his criminal record ...
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Charlotte Hornets owner Michael Jordan has been fined $13 billion for spending nearly 10 hours talking about players not on his team. The statement from the league is as follows: “We understand Mr. Jordan was doing his little documentary about dancing goats or something, but he mentioned dozens of players not on the Hornets roster and we are choosing to make an example of the man.” While many sports fans are furious at ...
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It has been learned that China has been doctoring the end of all close NBA games to feature Yao Ming drilling game-winning three-pointers. The discovery was made when a Chinese security glitch leaked an on-line highlight from a Pistons/Suns game. In the actual game, Detroit won 113 – 111. However, the altered footage shows Yao Ming gathering a loose ball, rising up from thirty feet and swishing a three-pointer at the buzzer. Once the footage began ...
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As offseason player movement becomes more frenetic, the NBA Board of Governors unanimously voted to pass new penalties on tempering. “We sent the following memo to the L.A. Lake--- I mean all thirty teams,” Adam Silver began his press conference. “Any team found to have improperly contacted a player will have one first round pick revoked and the removal of their Plumlee brother,” Silver read while dressed like a biker gang member. This uncharacteristically harsh punishment from Silver is largely being seen ...
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A strongly worded letter has gone out to all 30 teams reminding each coaching staff that there will be absolutely zero tolerance for players entering the stands unless some fan says something that hurts their feelings. Following games where both Isaiah Thomas and Kyle Lowry went into the stands to confront fans, Commissioner Adam Silver appeared on The Jump to speak on the matter. “You know, sometimes I can be a rude cuss but when I say ‘zero tolerance’, I mean ...
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