Source: NBA players’ families at greater risk of ‘urgent matter’ the longer the bubble goes on
Several league officials in Orlando are confirming the strange spike in NBA players needing to leave the bubble to attend to “urgent family matters.”
“It’s the craziest thing,” the source said. “We are only weeks into the bubble and their family members are dropping like flies!”
“My family was having urgent matters right and left when I was in that stuffy hotel room,” Zion Williamson said, now comfortably back in his New Orleans estate. “But now that I’m back with my women and 5-star chief, my family doesn’t seem to be having any more emergencies. It’s a mother f***ing miracle.”
As more players learn about this study, the more worried they become. “I’m really scared for my family, if we mathematically fall out of playoff contention,” said Spurs guard DeMar DeRozan. “I think my mom or nephew or someone will be involved in a major emergency immediately following a must-win game we lose.”
Trevor Ariza wasn’t willing to take any risks. The Blazer forward was somehow keenly aware of this bizarre phenomenon weeks before the Orlando bubble began. “I love my children too much to be away from my LA house and golf—I mean I didn’t want to risk their wellbeing!”
Update: During an 18-minute window when the wifi went out, all NBA players except Stephen Adams (who doesn’t use internet) began pouring out of the hotel and jumping the fence to escape the facilities in order to tend to urgent family emergencies.
