New Hubie Brown dating app will loudly yell, “There you go!” when you do something good

NBA television analyst, Hubie Brown has always had a heart for helping young men on the court.  Now, the long-time coach has lent his experience to the dating world with the new Hubie Brown Dating app. By sensing small hormonal changes in the air, the free version of the app will yell, “There you go!” each time the man has done something that pleases his date. Included in the $3.99 premium version, Hubie will give a disapproving sigh and say, “Now ya ...

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City of Philadelphia now forbids Danny Green from practicing on public hoops

The city of Philadelphia has formally prohibited 76er shooting guard Danny Green from practicing on any public hoops.  The announcement was made shortly after the NBA player arrived at Markward Park on Saturday.   Green shot several wild attempts blowing massive holes straight through four backboards and one of his shots badly injured a citizen at a neighboring park.    “I’ve never seen anything like it,” said onlooker Joel Burton.  “At first everyone was like, ‘whoa—Danny Green’s here!’ and minutes later we ...

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Pacers’ director of accounting to double as small forward

On Monday, the Indiana Pacers coaching staff made their annual stroll through the corporate offices to see the new crop of talent.  Much to Pacers fans' irritation, the tradition is the creative payroll savings strategy which forces office workers to also take up a roster spot. Pushing office furniture aside, coach Nate Bjorkgren blew his whistle, prompting the employees to sprint across the building.  “Let’s go, ladies!  Especially you ladies from marketing!” he yelled. Despite several office members coming from basketball schools ...

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NBA forced to remind players that marijuana testing ended three years ago

After NBA players celebrated that the league would no longer test for weed, an annoyed Adam Silver was forced to remind them that the league had ended weed testing over three seasons ago. “Awe, hell yeah!  This year gonna be LIT!!!” Iman Shumpert tweeted.  J.R. Smith called his agent and yelled, “Looks like I’ll be going green next season!” and then laughed for 18 minutes before learning he had called an Arby’s.  Finally, for the third consecutive year, Adam Silver was forced to ...

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Cavaliers try to pay player salaries in swords

Some exciting news for Cavaliers players was announced this week as owner Dan Gilbert decided to pay all players in old-timey medieval swards again.  Gilbert, who ...

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NBA fines Thunder $65,000 for repeatedly trading their own 1st round picks back and forth to themselves

The NBA has fined the Oklahoma City Thunder $65,000 for repeatedly calling the league office and requesting to swap their own first-round picks back to ...

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Daryl Morey revamps 76ers court with lava pits to discourage mid-range shots

After years of pleading with coaches and players, Daryl Morey’s teams still find a way to shoot those pesky, inefficient mid-range two-point attempts.  In his ...

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ESPN employee leaving building

ESPN fires 500 employees, donates their salaries to LeBron James

This week ESPN dismissed roughly 500 employees and has rerouted their salaries to LeBron James.  While it was disappointing news for long-time ESPN staffers, the ...

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Jr. NBA updates drills to better reflect skills needed for modern basketball

The dozens of nerdy middle-aged men who hastily log into the Jr. NBA website in an attempt to impress their step kids will soon see ...

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NBA requires Mike Breen to complete gun safety course before yelling ‘Bang!’

NBA requires Mike Breen to complete gun safety course before yelling ‘Bang!’

Because you can’t be too careful dealing with firearms, the NBA has informed ESPN play-by-play man Mike Breen that he must complete a gun safety ...

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NBA honors only remaining guy watching by painting his name on court

NBA honors only remaining guy watching by painting his name on court

When NBA officials learned that 19-year-old Kevin Peterson was their last remaining television viewer, all the players quickly dove onto the court with paint scrapers ...

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Nuggets’ Toughness Questioned After Arena Renamed ‘Tampax Center’

Nuggets’ Toughness Questioned After Arena Renamed ‘Tampax Center’

Many throughout the NBA are taking notice of the Denver Nuggets' lack of toughness following the renaming of their arena to the Tampax Center. “I don’t ...

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Steve Javie pops-in broadcast to remind viewers referees’ perfect streak of correct calls continues

Steve Javie pops-in broadcast to remind viewers referees’ perfect streak of correct calls continues

Fans were outraged again when former NBA referee, Steve Javie, interrupted the final moments of the Grizzlies/76ers game to remind the audience that the perfect ...

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