Pacers’ director of accounting to double as small forward

On Monday, the Indiana Pacers coaching staff made their annual stroll through the corporate offices to see the new crop of talent.  Much to Pacers fans' irritation, the tradition is the creative payroll savings strategy which forces office workers to also take up a roster spot. Pushing office furniture aside, coach Nate Bjorkgren blew his whistle, prompting the employees to sprint across the building.  “Let’s go, ladies!  Especially you ladies from marketing!” he yelled. Despite several office members coming from basketball schools ...

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NBA forced to remind players that marijuana testing ended three years ago

After NBA players celebrated that the league would no longer test for weed, an annoyed Adam Silver was forced to remind them that the league had ended weed testing over three seasons ago. “Awe, hell yeah!  This year gonna be LIT!!!” Iman Shumpert tweeted.  J.R. Smith called his agent and yelled, “Looks like I’ll be going green next season!” and then laughed for 18 minutes before learning he had called an Arby’s.  Finally, for the third consecutive year, Adam Silver was forced to ...

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Paul George: ‘Doc Rivers told me to hit the side of the backboard’

On the Smoking Drugs Is Cool podcast with Stephen Jackson and Matt Barnes, Paul George told the hosts it was Doc Rivers who told him to hit the side of the backboard with his three-point attempt. “So it was game seven, right?  And in the huddle, I asked my teammates if they remembered that Gatorade commercial where I hit the game-winner,” Paul George told the hosts.  “I said, I spent all day trying to make the game-winner, and the filming crew ...

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Cavaliers try to pay player salaries in swords

Some exciting news for Cavaliers players was announced this week as owner Dan Gilbert decided to pay all players in old-timey medieval swards again.  Gilbert, who has not interacted with his employees since being contractually obligated to give three high-fives during a 2016 championship ceremony, sat quietly above the practice facility to watch the players' reactions to the news. “Look at them.  They’re delirious with joy,” Gilbert said, watching like a gargoyle.  “They’re literally jumping around and throwing things.  I haven’t seen ...

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Daryl Morey revamps 76ers court with lava pits to discourage mid-range shots

After years of pleading with coaches and players, Daryl Morey’s teams still find a way to shoot those pesky, inefficient mid-range two-point attempts.  In his ...

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ESPN employee leaving building

ESPN fires 500 employees, donates their salaries to LeBron James

This week ESPN dismissed roughly 500 employees and has rerouted their salaries to LeBron James.  While it was disappointing news for long-time ESPN staffers, the ...

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Jr. NBA updates drills to better reflect skills needed for modern basketball

The dozens of nerdy middle-aged men who hastily log into the Jr. NBA website in an attempt to impress their step kids will soon see ...

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NBA requires Mike Breen to complete gun safety course before yelling ‘Bang!’

NBA requires Mike Breen to complete gun safety course before yelling ‘Bang!’

Because you can’t be too careful dealing with firearms, the NBA has informed ESPN play-by-play man Mike Breen that he must complete a gun safety ...

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NBA honors only remaining guy watching by painting his name on court

NBA honors only remaining guy watching by painting his name on court

When NBA officials learned that 19-year-old Kevin Peterson was their last remaining television viewer, all the players quickly dove onto the court with paint scrapers ...

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Nuggets’ Toughness Questioned After Arena Renamed ‘Tampax Center’

Nuggets’ Toughness Questioned After Arena Renamed ‘Tampax Center’

Many throughout the NBA are taking notice of the Denver Nuggets' lack of toughness following the renaming of their arena to the Tampax Center. “I don’t ...

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Steve Javie pops-in broadcast to remind viewers referees’ perfect streak of correct calls continues

Steve Javie pops-in broadcast to remind viewers referees’ perfect streak of correct calls continues

Fans were outraged again when former NBA referee, Steve Javie, interrupted the final moments of the Grizzlies/76ers game to remind the audience that the perfect ...

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A determined Marcus Smart studies film of wavy arm inflatable guys before big game

A determined Marcus Smart studies film of wavy arm inflatable guys before big game

Marcus Smart is not leaving anything to chance before the Celtics big game versus the Miami Heat tonight.  Per his request, team video coordinators have ...

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NBA’s Chain Net Night leaves 14 players wounded, 3 dead

NBA’s Chain Net Night leaves 14 players wounded, 3 dead

Chain Net Night has been added to the regular season as the NBA continues to search for sponsorship opportunities.  The special night, which was sponsored ...

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